When your Lucky runs out…

My heart bleeds for the poor Lucky Montana. The former Prasa chief owes the taxman almost R1.8 million. Sars lost patience and attached two vehicles and other moveable property belonging to the inaccurately named Lucky and these luxury items went under the hammer on Wednesday. Here, dear reader, I have to share a well-kept secret with you: I love luxury goods. Which is not easy. Some say they have champagne taste on a beer budget. I have cognac taste and can only stay halfway through happy hour. Art, crystal, fine porcelain, luxury wristwatches… I love ’em all. But not as…

My heart bleeds for the poor Lucky Montana. The former Prasa chief owes the taxman almost R1.8 million. Sars lost patience and attached two vehicles and other moveable property belonging to the inaccurately named Lucky and these luxury items went under the hammer on Wednesday.

Here, dear reader, I have to share a well-kept secret with you: I love luxury goods. Which is not easy. Some say they have champagne taste on a beer budget. I have cognac taste and can only stay halfway through happy hour. Art, crystal, fine porcelain, luxury wristwatches… I love ’em all. But not as much as Persian carpets. I have a small collection, and every rug in my home caused intense pain at the cash register.

On Wednesday, the sheriff’s auctioneer sold Montana’s six “silky floor rugs” for more than R20,000. “Silky floor rugs” can mean anything. They can be nasty Belgian things, in which case the winning bidders overpaid. Or they could be hand-knotted masterpieces from Isfahan or Tabriz, in which case Sars got a raw deal at about R3,400 per carpet.

Looking through the reports, it was clear that Lucky is a man of taste. He had a range of high-end German appliances, great art and an impressive music collection. But it is also clear that we live in a dumbed-down society. Lucky’s book collection, including works by Kwame Nkrumah, JM Coetzee, Ingrid Jonker and prof Bernard Magubane, fetched only R2,600, a quarter of his TV’s hammer price.

“Why are you crying?” the lovely Snapdragon asked when I sat in bed, reading the auction reports. “It’s poor Lucky,” I said. “Everyone is out to get him. First it was former public protector Thuli Madonsela who worked him over in her damning and ‘inaccurate’ Derailed report. Then he got the short end of the stick when Popo Molefe testified before the ‘biased’ Zondo commission. And now Sars took his silky carpets…” She pulled up her shoulders.

“If you ask me, it’s us, the people, who are lucky that the state is finally taking our money back from where it should have never been.”

At times that woman can be more than just a pretty face. Maybe it’s me who should be named Lucky? After all, I have a gorgeous, clever wife. And unlike Montana, I still have my carpets.